internal scream.

I am drowning is school work! Sorry I haven't posting in a while but I have so many papers to write that the last thing I want to do is write some more at the end of a long day. Life is good but I still miss Garrett every day. I am no longer running. I walk instead. the running was just to hard on my tiny ankles and feet..(the only thing on me that is tiny besides my hands.) lol Garrett's youngest nephew says I have kid hands.

I hope all of you are doing well. I have had to read so many text books that I am quite behind in reading your blogs! I hope I can get caught up during thanksgiving break!

Yippy!

It's the first day I am finally feeling better!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was a horrible flu. Tomorrow I will head to the treadmill for again!

I hope all is well with all of you!

yuck

Stomach flues are the worst. No walking today but the week isn't over so I know I can still get that third workout in this week. But today I will spend most of my time next to this lovely pot. ugh. On the brightside my calorie intake is 0. lol I have to have some humor for the week I have had.

Now I am sore.

I woke up this morning very sore. I didn't want to go for my walk/run. Then I got to thinking about Garrett and how much he loved me and that he wouldn't want me to give up. I need to learn to love myself as much as he did. I need to remind myself that I am worth putting in the effort to make myself happy and to give myself a chance at a full and healthy life.

So I kicked some butt today! I got on the treadmill, did the c to 5k routine and I did it at an incline of 4! I can't explain now much better I feel after doing it. The best part is I am not as sore as I was when I woke up this morning.

Here is to another amazing day tomorrow!

Way too Heavy.

This is the most recent picture of me. Sadly it was taken at Garrett's memorial. I don't ever want to be this heavy again. I want to keep this picture fresh in my mind as a reminder of why I am working so hard to change my life. For those of you who could not attend the service, you can see part of it here

It was a pretty good day all around. I ate well and stretched a lot. I was surprised that I am not sore from yesterdays walk/run. It also felt odd not to walk/run today but according to C25K I am only suppose to do that 3 times a week.

I also got a ton of studying done. Taking 5 classes is not an easy thing to do. I have to admit that in the long run doing the right thing feels a whole lot better than doing the easy thing.

Well it is back to the books for me. I hope everyone has a great day tomorrow!

How cool. I ran 8 times for 60 seconds each!

Today I started my Couch to 5k workout. It was tough but the endorphins were a plus. I have been pretty blue since Garrett's passing and I knew working out would lighten my mood. And for me it is a way of honoring the memory of him by living my life to the fullest and by working hard every day to continue to lose this weight.

I did a great job with eating small meals today and drinking 64oz of water! I am just taking things one day at a time. Sometimes I have to take things one hour at a time.

I also have been very busy with school. I want to finish my AA this year and move on to my teaching degree.

I can't tell you how grateful I am for all of your support out there in blog land.

Sweet Dream everyone. May you all have a successful day tomorrow!

Couldn't sleep

I had a rough night. I just didn't sleep that well. I miss him so much. I shared everything with him. There is so much I wish I could tell him.

So far I still have not had a problem overeating. I have a different relationship with food now. I hate it. I eat only to survive. I can't stop thinking that food is what caused him to gain weight till the point that his heart gave out.

I start my Couch to 3k plan tomorrow. It is a 9 week program that takes you from being a couch potato to being able to run 3k. I am still too heavy for my 350 lbs scale. I hope I can use it by the end of the month

School is crazy busy. I have so much to catch up on. I am grateful to have a three day weekend to catch up.

I also think I will looking to finding a grief counselor to help me deal with his death.