Wednesday, September 29, 2010

internal scream.

I am drowning is school work! Sorry I haven't posting in a while but I have so many papers to write that the last thing I want to do is write some more at the end of a long day. Life is good but I still miss Garrett every day. I am no longer running. I walk instead. the running was just to hard on my tiny ankles and feet..(the only thing on me that is tiny besides my hands.) lol Garrett's youngest nephew says I have kid hands.

I hope all of you are doing well. I have had to read so many text books that I am quite behind in reading your blogs! I hope I can get caught up during thanksgiving break!

Friday, September 17, 2010


It's the first day I am finally feeling better!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was a horrible flu. Tomorrow I will head to the treadmill for again!

I hope all is well with all of you!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010


Stomach flues are the worst. No walking today but the week isn't over so I know I can still get that third workout in this week. But today I will spend most of my time next to this lovely pot. ugh. On the brightside my calorie intake is 0. lol I have to have some humor for the week I have had.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Now I am sore.

I woke up this morning very sore. I didn't want to go for my walk/run. Then I got to thinking about Garrett and how much he loved me and that he wouldn't want me to give up. I need to learn to love myself as much as he did. I need to remind myself that I am worth putting in the effort to make myself happy and to give myself a chance at a full and healthy life.

So I kicked some butt today! I got on the treadmill, did the c to 5k routine and I did it at an incline of 4! I can't explain now much better I feel after doing it. The best part is I am not as sore as I was when I woke up this morning.

Here is to another amazing day tomorrow!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Way too Heavy.

This is the most recent picture of me. Sadly it was taken at Garrett's memorial. I don't ever want to be this heavy again. I want to keep this picture fresh in my mind as a reminder of why I am working so hard to change my life. For those of you who could not attend the service, you can see part of it here

It was a pretty good day all around. I ate well and stretched a lot. I was surprised that I am not sore from yesterdays walk/run. It also felt odd not to walk/run today but according to C25K I am only suppose to do that 3 times a week.

I also got a ton of studying done. Taking 5 classes is not an easy thing to do. I have to admit that in the long run doing the right thing feels a whole lot better than doing the easy thing.

Well it is back to the books for me. I hope everyone has a great day tomorrow!

Friday, September 10, 2010

How cool. I ran 8 times for 60 seconds each!

Today I started my Couch to 5k workout. It was tough but the endorphins were a plus. I have been pretty blue since Garrett's passing and I knew working out would lighten my mood. And for me it is a way of honoring the memory of him by living my life to the fullest and by working hard every day to continue to lose this weight.

I did a great job with eating small meals today and drinking 64oz of water! I am just taking things one day at a time. Sometimes I have to take things one hour at a time.

I also have been very busy with school. I want to finish my AA this year and move on to my teaching degree.

I can't tell you how grateful I am for all of your support out there in blog land.

Sweet Dream everyone. May you all have a successful day tomorrow!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Couldn't sleep

I had a rough night. I just didn't sleep that well. I miss him so much. I shared everything with him. There is so much I wish I could tell him.

So far I still have not had a problem overeating. I have a different relationship with food now. I hate it. I eat only to survive. I can't stop thinking that food is what caused him to gain weight till the point that his heart gave out.

I start my Couch to 3k plan tomorrow. It is a 9 week program that takes you from being a couch potato to being able to run 3k. I am still too heavy for my 350 lbs scale. I hope I can use it by the end of the month

School is crazy busy. I have so much to catch up on. I am grateful to have a three day weekend to catch up.

I also think I will looking to finding a grief counselor to help me deal with his death.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Stages of Change

This is Jennifer.
Many of you out there know how close we were. Thank you all for your kind words. I spent the week with his family and it has helped a great deal with the healing process.

I think the best way to honor him is to pick up where he left off and continue to work hard to be healthy.  I will be writing a lot more here. I never had the talent he did with words but my heart is in the same place. I will never give up hope that I can kick this addiction to food.

I got back to Florida yesterday and I am still having trouble eating. I have been forcing protein down me just to say healthy. I ate almost nothing for the 4 days I was in Idaho. I was just too upset. His sister and niece made me protein shakes since that was the only thing I could keep down.

I am now back to solid foods but my stomach as gone back to its normal size and now I have to eat smaller meals more often.

well that is all for now. I have a ton of homework to catch up on.